


Blue Balls and Jam: An Epic Poem

by Juniper200



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody, Poetry, apologies to Dr. Seuss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 13:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juniper200/pseuds/Juniper200
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I could swive you at the fort</i><br/>A quick tryst 'fore I leave the port.<br/>But take this as a word of warning<br/>I'd not respect you in the morning."
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Balls and Jam: An Epic Poem

This is _Jack_.  
That is his name.  
Jack came back  
For handsome **James**.

Jack came in  
The dead of night  
And knew he'd win  
His heart's delight.

Jack is clever.  
Jack is quick.  
Jack wants James  
To touch his prick.

Jack took James  
Back to his ship  
And now we watch  
The odd courtship:

_"Would you, could you on the Pearl?_  
Perhaps pretend that I'm a girl?  
Or you could suck me on the dock  
And kiss and stroke my weeping cock." 

**"Not on the Pearl, not with a girl!  
You'd leave the dock without your cock.  
I do not practice sodomy.  
I've had it, Jack! Just set me free!"**

_"What about the orlop stair?_  
Sweet William could meet us there.  
Or I could grope you in the rigging.  
A crow's nest perch is built for frigging." 

**"Not near the stair 'neath William's glare  
By no means frigging in the rigging.  
The navy frowns on buggery  
So Captain Sparrow, let me be!"**

_"There's nothing on the seven seas_  
Like a commodore upon his knees.  
Or what if Pretty Lizzy watched?  
The lovely maid's grown quite debauched." 

**"Not on my knees upon the seas  
Nor suffer Liz to watch me jizz  
You will not get me on my back  
Now please unhand me, Captain Jack!"**

_"Would you, could you in the brig?_  
I could wear the gov'nor's wig.  
Can't I fuck you up the bum?  
Relax, dear James, and have some rum." 

**"Not on the brig, not in that wig  
Put down the rum, don't touch my bum.  
I do not take it up the ass.  
Now Captain Jack, just let me pass!"**

_"I could swive you at the fort_  
A quick tryst 'fore I leave the port.  
But take this as a word of warning  
I'd not respect you in the morning." 

**"Not at the fort in Royal, Port  
I would reject your odd respect  
No undead pirates, Aztec coins  
Could get me to ungird my loins."**

_"I could have you by the mast_  
I could pound you hard and fast.  
Would you have it on the boat?  
Come on, James, put down that goat!" 

**"Not by the mast, not hard and fast.  
Not in the boat. Forget the goat!  
I'll not be taken for a sod.  
Release me, for the love of god!"**

_"I'm climbing up the cabin walls._  
I'm begging you to lick my balls.  
What does it take to get some head?  
God damn it, James, get on that bed!" 

**"Get off the walls, ignore your balls  
You'll get no head on yonder bed.  
For by the heart of Davy Jones,  
I will not jump your pirate bones."**

_"What makes you think you won't enjoy it?_  
Friction's good; let me employ it.  
The bed is soft, the sheets aren't shabby.  
I think you'll find you like it ... savvy?" 

**Say! I *do* like this buggery  
I'd do it with you, land or sea.  
I'd gladly do it on the Pearl  
But doubt I'd like it with a girl.  
I'd let you have me on the dock.  
(Please reach around and touch my cock.)  
I'd do this by the orlop stair  
And come in William's pretty hair.  
I'd enjoy this in the rigging  
(Deeper, Jack! Please keep digging!)  
I'd swallow you while on my knees  
Lizzie can watch, should she say please.  
I'd let you fuck me in the brig,  
But ne'er again speak of the wig.  
(I'll go to hell for this for sure  
God damn your pirate sex allure.)  
We could do this at the fort  
Or ev'ry tavern in the port.  
Please press me up against the mast  
And pump my manhood hard and fast  
But Jack, the next time I succumb  
Please be more gentle with my bum.**

**Author's Note:**

> _What about with Cotton's bird?_   
> **Come now, Jack. That's just absurd.**


End file.
